“This city feels so alien to me but then again, these days, everywhere does.”
When was the first time that you walked into your childhood home and realised that it just wasn’t home anymore?
For me this happened 2 years ago in an entirely different country.
I had befriended this woman from Argentina in a weird set of circumstances, circumstances that I now call fate, and after a bad day I had decided to purchase plane tickets to go visit her. I will be the first to admit that I don’t have the best impulse control and when I want to do something I usually just do it. So 9 days and 36 hours of travel later I landed in Mel del Plata airport, I was drained from travel but also too excited to sleep. The woman, who I will call Mila, and I spent the night sitting in bed talking until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.
Mila and i had travelled to Buenos Aries from Mel del Plata the day I realised I was home. We had a wonderful dinner before walking though the city. I have seen many major cities before but there was something about the intimacy of Buenos Aries that captured my affections. Maybe it was the tall apartment buildings or the streets filled with restaurants and music whose rhythm seemed to flow throughout my body.
I was in a foreign city, in a non-English speaking country, staying in a loud city apartment but I had never felt so at home and at peace within myself. I remember standing by the open window of that apartment while Mila slept and watching the city below. I couldn’t sleep and much like my mind, the city was still busy at 2am. The heat from the outside air kissed my skin and quieted my mind just long enough for me to crawl into bed to sleep.
It was that night when I felt like I was in my true home but was i?
Over the past 2 years I have had time to reflect on my time in Argentina, I have also had the opportunity to travel to many different places. The felling I felt that night seemed to recreate itself the more I travelled. The feeling came when i felt loved, safe and happy…the feeling of belonging came when I was being true to myself. It came while I travelled, while I challenged my beliefs and values.
I have always loved travel- it’s in my soul. It is where I feel free but also challenged. I am not an intellectual person and I’m ok to admit that I am not the sharpest tool in the box but i loved to be challenged in other areas of my life. I guess that’s why school was never my thing, I live too much in the possibilities of my life to care about education. I care about different things, I care about seeing wonderful places and living life.
Now my childhood home will always be my home and it holds such wonderful memories for me. But one day, when my daughter is big enough, we will travel again and find home once again…find that feeling of love and of possibility.