I have always wanted the job of my dreams,
but the job of my dreams has not always been the same.
These were all my ‘dream jobs’ at one point or another in my life.
Where am I now?
Fast Food Worker
Dickhead on Youtube
I’m only disappointed in one of these.
When we’re young, we’re told we can be whatever we like if we put our minds to it. I’ve wondered if this is an unhealthy expectation to put in our children. If they put their minds to something and it doesn’t work out, the lesson they come away with isn’t, “not everything works out,” but rather, “they lied.”
From the age of ten I knew that I wanted to be a writer. My first ‘novel’ was a sixteen page… thing…
It was about a boy who could turn into a tiger man. The boy’s name was Blaze, and his alter-ego was King. King could wield swords, shoot guns and would always eventually defeat his clawed nemesis, Sonatore. I wrote at least four different versions of that story, but I’ve yet to write one I like.
My first novel that came in longer than a Criniti’s menu was Carrie Carp. It was a ghost story, set in a small Australian town, surrounding a sixteen year old kid named Brendon Terrier. It was riddled with cliche, over descriptions and cringy dialogue, but I’m still proud of it. It was ninety-six thousand words of almost readable story.
I’ve written a bunch since then. A fantasy that combined the mythologies of reapers and angels. An adaptation (not fanfiction) of Fallout 3, the first in a planned trilogy. A science fiction, set in the deepest reaches of space, about humans living in captivity, studied by advanced beings. The Man in Red, which I’m publishing through this blog.
I’ve written scripts for short films, I’ve written several pilot scripts for web shows, but I never felt like I was really using my skills the way they should have been.
There’s a scene in La La Land, where Sebastian is trying to convince Mia to go to one more audition. She asks, “What if I go there and I’m not good enough?” He assures her that she is, but she responds with, “What if I’m not.”
“What if I’m not?” becomes simply, “I’m Not.”
Is this something that resonates with you?
It did for me.
It does for me.
The first two novels being ignored by agents and publishers was something I could deal with. But by the third I really felt like I had made something special. But it appeared that I wasn’t good enough.
I auditioned for a local play. I picked an unusual monologue and rehearsed the hell out of it. I had my blocking, my timing and even my cadence nailed down… but it appeared that I wasn’t good enough.
I feel like this is something anybody reading this can relate to.
I’m Not Good Enough.”
Is it a human thing? A mid-twenties thing? A 21st Century thing?
With this company I have begun to build my confidence again. I have been given the opportunity to rediscover and properly utilise skills that I was beginning to believe I never had. I have been given the opportunity to act, to write, to improvise and to lead. I have interacted with fans of the content and people who are decidedly NOT fans of the content.
I have created my dream job.